it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize