i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
