last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
