I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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