I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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