I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
