My room smells like vodka and shame
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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