dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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