dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
