Got a toothbrush?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
