I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
