Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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