But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
