it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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