When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
