just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
