I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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