garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
is it fun? or sober?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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