id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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