you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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