wrigley field is MILF paradise
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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