I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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