So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
