I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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