dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize