Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
