i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
