dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
