Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
