I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
