Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
