How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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