she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
birth control should be required to get into college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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