Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I forget how to act sober
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
