Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
