How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
