im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize