you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
pray to the hookup gods
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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