Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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