Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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