Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
