o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
