And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
