I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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