What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
