We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
