What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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