Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
