Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
