yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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