I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize