is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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