we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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