bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
