Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize