I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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