I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
