How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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