Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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