so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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