I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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