Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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