I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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