Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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