Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
