my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
