well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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