This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
