Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
