We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
