I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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