Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
