dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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