I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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