its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
