I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
