so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
