I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
