Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
