i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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