we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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