Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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