Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
