Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
