Someone shit on the floor
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
