So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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