my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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