like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
