i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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