So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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