my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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