I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
