i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
