so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
