I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you had me at cake vodka
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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