um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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