just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
