party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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