it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
