Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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