if only i could text you this smell
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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