dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
