I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
