I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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