With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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