my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
