why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize