you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
