your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize